This has truly been an eventful weekend... connecting with God and with other Christians was definitely pinnacle. I had felt God coaxing me to register us and I am glad that I listened.
Although I did not meet any new "pew buddies" for 1st service at this retreat, I definitely felt that God had a purpose for us, not just to receive, but to also share and to give. I was reminded that God loves me and that even though Tenth is a huge church, my senior pastor, who I have only had a conversation with no more than 3 times in person over the past 5-6 years, actually knew my name! Wow! I'm actually not really invisible at all..
I knew David Collins would deliver a mind blowing and riveting message. His premise is that we really don't know much of anything. We operate on at most 1% of what God knows and 2% of what we know we don't know. Our behaviours and actions are a result of that 1% knowledge we have... What about the 97% of things we don't know that we don't know? To get to know God fully, we must seek him out and be throw into trusting and having faith in Him... I had heard this part before, but I knew that this was new information to my significant other. The gist of David's message was that to really know God, we must endure hardship. We must suffer. He will take us places where we don't want to go or put us in situations where we don't want to be... yet it is in these very moments that we get to see and learn about the 97% of what God knows, for these are things we could never fathom of on our own.
I was pleasantly surprised that my husband was excited to go on this retreat. I was also comforted that he was moved by David's message and was able to hear God calling out to him. God has been whispering, talking and even yelling at times to remind me that there is a change coming. I don't know if it will be necessarily good or bad, but I do that that the unknown is where He wants us to be. Trust. Faith. Being humble and sincere. Being generous. God asks us to be Christlike... to change from the inside out... to change our attitude, for this is the root of our problems. We are to radiate God's love, not so that others will praise us with "stars", but so that we have a chance for them to see first hand the characteristics of God.
God's first message to me was addressing and confirming all the changes in my life. It was evident to me that God has put changes in place at my school, telling me that I am to stay... I am to drop this "star". I am to stop this perception of me being "drained" of my energy and talents, but rather to open arms and welcome them and ask the God fill me up. I was becoming selfish... for I wanted to leave and strip someone else so that I could be "filled up"... at least that's what I am hearing now...Within the past year, I have gone to Cambodia without my husband on a mission trip allowing both of us to draw closer to God in ways we wouldn't be able to do together. I have connected with more Christians through a small group and my husband's desire for a new change in employment and our financial rut were addressed and now we potentially have an opportunity to move homes... change is eminent...
My husband for the first time was sincere in his desire to pursue adopting a child overseas. Hallelujah! He felt God leading him to be more trusting and admitting that God knows best...
Furthermore I was reminded how lucky I am to have a very compassionate and loving husband. Christlike people attract others... it is very evident that he possesses these Christlike qualities. My husband is really a man who is fairly humble in his walk with Christ. But this weekend, he was bold. He prayed aloud and proud. He shared a part of his dark path and anger and bitterness towards God for denying him a child of his own. This was message that God wanted him to share - not only to soothe his own pain, but to use it to strengthen another couple going through the same reality we are. We are not being denied, we only say this because we only judge from the 1% of God's plan we see. We don't see God's whole picture... we don't see the value and role we are to play.
Nothing that we know is really for certain. We are all (Christians and non-Christians) pearls of great price. We are all loved by our maker and He knows us for He created us out of love and purpose. The question becomes, "Will we seek out our value and use it to honour God?"
In coming home this weekend, we were reminded about how fragile life is and that our time on Earth is finite. My husband's mom had signs of an oncoming heart attack while we were out of town, which she admitted and for which I believe is a result of her being overstressed and anxious. I cannot help but believe Satan had a hand in this. Satan has been revelling on his grip on him until recently and I don't believe in coincidences. My husband's desire to walk along side Christ is a threat... for when push comes to shove, my man is loyal and devoted, who would not want a servant like that?
My husband was distraught when he realized what went "down" while we were connecting with God. He became so emotional at the hospital during his visit with Mom that he started crying, something he rarely does. He began to envision his life without Mom and was thankful that God had preserved her and that she is currently in no serious condition.
But now I am reminded that we need to show and tell others about God's goodness before it really becomes too late. We are to share God's desire for us to be in Heaven with Him and that we are to obey His teachings... especially sharing the Good News with the ones we say we love the most!
Father, I pray that you will continue to work in me to be more generous, loving, sincere, faithful and trusting in you. Help me to remember that when You are with me, Satan doesn't stand a chance...
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